kiggity (kiggity) wrote,

Megan and I

posting about this makes me feel sick.
actualy posting this and telling people on the outside of my little, little day to day world makes the whole thing real,
really really real, I've made the decigion already and all the arrangments have been made, but for some reason this just opens the wound up more.

those who know me, or who use to know me, know my dog megan. My australian sheperd, I've had since she was a puppy, my family adopted her from a breeder back in California, I was in junior high, 1990.
She was the family dog at first, as was the intention, then as she grew up or I should say as we grew up together, Megan and I bonded. By the time I was in hightschool, after the move to Michigan, she was basicaly my dog, unspoken ofcourse. I walked her, fed her, took her to the vet, she and I knew she was my dog. If you ask my sisters they'll tell you they did their part, the walking and all that. But I really have to say that it was me who was really hers, and visa versa (hard to explain unless your a dog person)
After the divorce and the moves that followed Magen's care was basically up to me, still unspoken, then when people started moving out and my own relocation came into the works everyone just sort of knew that megan would go with me. It took me 3 months to find an appartment in Adrian that would let me have a dog, but we did find one, up steep steep stairs but with a nicebig back yard where she could still muster up the energy to chase a tennis ball last summer. Just recently I had a good friend move to help share expensives with through senior year, but for for the last 2 and a half years up to now it was just magen and me, well, and my cat ozma, who we aquired after my mom moved to CA. Then Elsie followed me up my stairs one day and never left. Ozma had been my cat for 12 years, just this past october she got realy sick, really fast, got to the point where she couldn't walk anymore, too weak to hold up her own weight,
On the thursday of the first week of October my younger sister stood beside me as i put her sleep. I still had megan though, and helped the house feel less empty. But megan was 14 turning 15, and already diagnosed with a heart murmur, I knew that for her things would only go downhill. Then in late October My Nana (mom's mom) pasted away, almost exsactly a year from when my grandma died. She had been in the end stages of Alzhimers for 10 years, holding on only because her body was healthy. I loved the women with all of me, a second mother she was, she had so much to do withhow I turned out in this life, and i wasn't able to go home to CA to say goodbye.
So now Megan is pretty bad. Since christmas her heart has gotten worse and worse, then in just the last month she has stopped going down or up stairs, she can not control her blatter, most of the time not even being able to get up to go to the bather room. Her hear condition makes it so fluid builds up in her tummy and chest, giver her the postuer of a pregnat goat. She stopped eating 4 days ago. She wont take her pills, even with peanut butter. Last night I crushed them up with the peanutbutter, she eat it, only to throw it up later. 2 weeks ago my dad spent almost $500 on her at his vet, it only bought her 2 good weeks.
tomorrow I'm taking her to my dads, around 2pm, his vet is going to come and we are going to put my megan to sleep one last time. Megan loves my dad's place, she lights up there, around his other dogs, I think she'll like that I chose to do it there.

She is my one ture friend.
I will always love her, and miss her.

Thank you to anyone who read this.
this is the most difficult thing i have ever had to do, but if you could see her, you would know that it's the only thing to do.

nither one of my sisters want to be there for this, it's just going to be my dad his wife and me.
She was always my dog anyway.
I need to find something to do saturday night. I just have no idea whow i'll handel this.
please think good thoughts for me.
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